Was it incest or molestation?
It turned into him lying on top of me, rubbing against me through my pyjamas and kissing me softly.
I was too young to realise how bad it was, and I enjoyed it and didn’t say he couldn’t. I let him I suppose.
It became a general thing and he would come into my room more frequently to “watch films”.
After a few weeks of this happening, my cousin came over to our house. She was about 6-7 at the time. My brother started to play a ‘game’ with her and my younger brother (who never ended up ‘playing the game’) in his room. He got my cousin to go into his room and made my brother wait outside. I had no idea what the game was, and so knocked onto my older brother’s door and asked if I could play. He said to me to wait outside, but I thought something was weird about it and so opened the door.
I saw my elder brother lay on top of my younger cousin, with his boxers on, and she was facing downwards. He was rubbing against her. I realised it was wrong and so ran downstairs to my mum and aunt (my cousin’s mum) and told them what my brother was doing. They ran upstairs and found out. The police came and my brother went to a police station etc and he had to write a letter (I don’t know what the letter was) and stayed away from my aunty’s family.
My mum came into my room a few days after and asked me if my brother had done anything to me.
I said no and she left it at that. I don’t know why I said that but for some reason I thought what he did to me was different.
After that, when we went to my dad’s house to visit, we had to share a room. I was young and so didn’t need loads of privacy.
Me and my brother continued to do this.. ‘game’.
Then we grew older and it stopped, I am 13 now and he is 16 and he doesn’t say anything about it at all. He acts like he doesn’t like me towards me (as any teenage boy) and that’s that.
I’m sorry that this was long but i’ve never told anyone and wanted to tell this story.
So, was it incest? He basically had sex with me, through my pyjamas, but I didn’t stop him. Was I molested? That’s what he got done for, for my cousin. But idk.
I do self harm now and have since I was 12, (I have stopped) but I read that most self harmers were sexually abused ?