I just need some help and some advice about what someone did
Hi, I’m 19 years old and I’m female. Last night I went to a club for fun- I had never been before and I went with one of my girlfriends. She met this guy and wanted to hang out with him. I wasn’t really interested in him and didn’t talk to him or look at him much. I drove, but I let him come because I could tell she liked him and she has a hard time getting boyfriends. Well, we went out to grab some dinner around 3am and went back to his house around 4 to watch a movie. By this time, I had been up for nearly 24 hours and was exhausted (I had woken up about 6:30-7:00 that morning). He told me, when my girlfriend wasn’t around, that if I wanted to sleep in his bed he would sleep on the couch and she would share the bed with me. I said that was fine. An hour or so into the movie, I couldn’t stay awake and so he told me I could go get in bed. So I do. I’m asleep for about 30 minutes when I feel someone getting into the bed next to me. I think it’s my friend so I don’t open my eyes. The next thing I know that guy was on top of me and he was trying to kiss me and he was rubbing himself all over me. I told him to get off. I had a boyfriend.
He got off and I asked him what he was doing in there. He told me my friend wanted the couch. I said well ok, but stay over there. I was really too tired to think much about anything, I was a little shocked by him jumping on me like that, but like I said, I had been up for a very long time and shortly after that I passed out. Well I wake up he is touching me and he’s naked! I don’t even know how he got naked.
I pushed him off and told him to stop that I didn’t want that, but he held me down and kept kissing me and pulling at my clothes. He told me no one had to know but us and it was ok. But it wasn’t ok. I was so scared! I was shaking and I kept saying “stop” but he kept touching me and rubbing himself all over me.
I didn’t want to yell because Ididn’t want to make a scene and I didn’t want to scare or hurt my girlfriend because I knew she liked him and I didn’t want her to hate me because he was trying to get at me.
He stopped and I almost got out of bed but then I thought what would I tell her? So i curled up and tried to sleep. He moved to the other side and appeared to go back to sleep. I knew I should leave, but i was very afraid. All i could think was what do i do?
Somehow I fell back asleep and when I woke up he was on me and he was taking my clothes off. He held me down and kissed me. I kept trying to jerk away. I was ready to leave now absolutely ready to get out, Id idn;t really care but he wouldn’t let me up. He got my clothes off of me and started rubbing all over me. I told him to quit I didn;t want it again but this time he didn’t stop. He kept trying to kiss my mouth and kept telling me I liked it and I wanted it but i didnt!
I was shaking and about in tears and he wouldn’t stop. He didn’t put himself in me but he touched me with his hands and used his fingers. I kept trying to get away and eventually he stopped and started asking me why did i lead him on? But i hadn’t done anything! And he admitted that I didn’t lead him on but he really wanted me. I didn’t want him. I love my boyfriend. He is my best friend. When he quit touching me I got up, got dressed, and left. I didn’t want him to do that to me and even if I had to drive without any sleep I would, I didn’t care.
My head was hurting and I felt very sick but I was more awake because I was scared. I tried to get my friend to come home but she wouldn’t. I didn;t tell her what had happened.
Now I want to tell my boyfriend but I feel like I cheated because I didn;t leave sooner. I feel so sick with guilt and yet I’m also still very shaken by what had happened. My boyfriend has been my only sexual partner and I don’t know how to tell him that this man did this to me. Was i taken advantage of? Or was I wrong? Is it my fault? How do I tell him? I’m so scared and I need his comfort so bad. I need him to tell me it’s ok but what if he wont do that? He loves me so much. We;ve dated for a long long time and we want to marry when I’m a little older but I don’t want him to hate me. Will he hate me?